The Love/Hate Dilemma

So, it’s Valentine’s Day 2013.  I feel that this post is entirely fitting and appropriate as it’s now my second year in row in which I am spending it alone.  Please, hold back your tears and the urge to envelope me in endless hugs and then tell me that it’s all going to be OK.  I have a box of candy hearts with “Be Mine” and “I Love You” engraved on them, so I’ve got all the love I need.  Right?

I don’t mean for this mild rant to come across as pouty, whiney, or as something that the type of girl who hates her birthday unless it’s celebrated for a week straight would say.  This Valentine’s Day happens to fall at a time in my life in which I seem to be making critical evaluations – of myself as an individual, of myself as someone’s other half, and of others’ relationships around me as well.  Of course, I think that people go through these analyses on a somewhat normal basis and not just on February 14th (if they’re not, they should be), but the hyper sensitivity to love and romance and relationships that is completely ubiquitous on this random day in the month of February just gives me another reason to pay extra close attention to that little bit of Taylor Swift persona that I know EVERY girl hides deep down inside of her subconscious.  And, today, my Taylor Swift persona begs the question: are those “I-Love-You-But-I-Hate-You” lyrics totally legitimate?  And, what does it mean if they are?  AND, how much do you allow yourself to “love” and “hate” the other person simultaneously and continue to stay in the relationship?

I recognize that a lot of times it’s not even about love or hate.  It’s just “not working”.  I have to be honest and say that this idea seems so incredibly silly to me that I don’t even want to validate it by typing out the rest of this paragraph.  But lately it seems to be the most common reason I’ve come across as to why a relationship is no longer one.  I DO very much appreciate the fact that some people are not supposed to be together.  For the love of God, if this applies to you, take a moment to think about this!!  You will have to deal with each other’s shit day-in and day-out (or at least until you FINALLY realize that it’s “not working”) and, trust me, none of your friends want to deal with the residual bullshit that you have to endure after you’ve “made-up” with your significant other, or hear about your terribly unimportant, recurring fights.  I’ve been there; I know this first hand.  That brutally honest conversation that your friends will have with you in which one of them resorts to giving you the most blunt of reality checks is not a good time!  There should definitely be a checklist that one is required to fill out upon entering into a relationship with another person in order to weed out these kinds of things from happening.  If the other person can’t answer question #1 correctly, RUN:

  1. True or False:  I use Facebook and all other forms of social media specifically to validate my relationships and make others jealous of my seemingly perfect life.

However, for all others who let the idea that it’s just “not working” dictate their decision to not stay in a relationship with someone, I challenge you to really define what that justification means.  Do you just not like the other person enough?  Is he/she too hairy? Is money and/or religion a factor?  Is there too much baggage (of any kind)?  Some of these are totally valid reasons (I get it if the guy is too hairy, ladies.  I’ll give you a pass for that one).  For others, I say: grow the fuck up.  Unless, of course, you’d prefer to be alone for the rest of your life and just get laid from time-to-time.  If that’s the case, check these dating sites out.  Apparently, there IS something or someone out there for everyone: Dating For The Hopeless.

So, now, back to the love/hate dichotomy: how much are you willing to let yourself “hate” the person you are with and continue to embark upon a tiring journey with them into the future because you love them too much not to?  This is not something that I’m even going to attempt to examine objectively.  It’s completely personal; and deciding how much occasional pain or sadness or unhappiness you are able to endure – and for how long – relies on so many different variables that are specifically unique to each relationship.  But, I think the question itself is an interesting one.  Maybe it’s interesting to me because it’s something that I’ve been trying to answer for the last two years of my adult life.  And there is always that possibility that maybe some people subconsciously gravitate towards these kinds of relentlessly passionate relationships – against their better judgement – that come with as much “hate” as they do “love” (apologize to your friends in advance if you fall into this category, please?).  And my guess is that Taylor Swift will continue to fall in love and become broken-hearted at least enough times this year to whip out three new Grammy-Award-Winning-Worthy songs.  Because, as many who identify with her would agree, it’s worth it enough to her to put in the energy and the effort to feel that “love” even though her track record could predict that a feeling of “hate” is not far behind.

With that, I leave you with a little something on this Valentine’s Day that I hope you can appreciate and enjoy with your significant other.  And if you don’t have one, I hope it evokes a sweet feeling of excitement for the next time you feel a little love that you can share with someone else.

DJ T – Leavin’ Me

The lyrics to this one are truly beautiful.  I couldn’t find them online, but if you have the patience to listen closely I promise that you will enjoy more than just the beat.

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